How Not Drinking is Affecting My Business
I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in almost 3-months… This isn’t necessarily new territory for me, but things feel a lot different this time around. In the past few years, I’ve usually done a couple of 4 - 6 week sober stints throughout the year, but I wanted to do an extended time just to see how good I could really feel.
A bit of history, first… My relationship with alcohol has always been a bit confusing. I drank A LOT in my 20’s to numb out to the realities of leaving an abusive relationship. Then, started to do some inner work to actually heal and my relationship to alcohol definitely got healthier, but there was always this lingering stickiness that I’ve been experimenting with over the past decade and a bit. I’ve tried not drinking during week nights, sticking to 2 drinks a night, going weeks without drinking, etc. etc. No matter what I tried, I was always confronted with the same question:
Is this really adding to my life if I’m spending so much energy trying to regulate my relationship with it?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become even more sensitive to the affects of alcohol. I can feel the grogginess and lack of energy even just after 1 drink. And I would still have a few nights a year where I’d get carried away and have a little too much… and that shame and embarassment could sometimes be felt for weeks… or even months.
I’ve known for a while now that alcohol may actually be detracting instead of adding to my life. I’ve had inclinations, and the short stints of me experimenting with sobriety confirmed it. But so much of my identity had become wrapped up in being a wine lover and someone who you can chill out and have a drink and a lot of laughs with. I was known as the party girl, and the person who was always down for a fun time! I can be pretty extra to start… throw a few drinks in me and inhibition goes to the wind. People enjoyed the wild stories and seeing this side of myself come out, but the issue was I was starting to really not want to identify with that person anymore, but felt that was what people expected of me. I know from hard-learned experiences that if we’re living our lives to make other people feel comfortable, or to uphold an expectation for someone else’s sake, it only hurts ourselves in the end.
So, instead of getting to that point, I decided I was going to do something about it. Which is where we are now. Through this extended period of being sober-curious I’ve realized a lot of things — and want to share them with you!
Here are my most potent takeaways so far:
Some of us are just more sensitive to the affects of alcohol. I believe (and I’m pretty science backs this up) that this only enhances as we get older, especially as women.
My anxiety levels have gone down dramatically. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel anxious some of the time, but the underlying wave of anxiety is no longer present throughout my day-to-day.
I’m more attune with what my body is actually feeling. Before, I could usually write off feeling tired as a side-effect of a glass the night before, but now I’m like ‘Oh I’m actually just tired’. I don’t try to push through work anymore and instead let myself rest.
I feel more confident in my body. Besides losing a bit of weight, I just feel like I’m making better decisions all-around for my health, which increases my self worth and self trust.
You save so much money not drinking. Not only is it the alcohol itself, but it’s the lazy food choices the next day, the shopping to take the edge off. I no longer feel guilty about other extra purchases because I know I’m not spending so much money on something that is detracting from me on multiple levels.
I believe, for myself anyhow, that I am not going to be able to create the life that I truly want to be living if alcohol is a main part of my life. I wouldn’t categorize myself as an alcoholic, however, I would categorize myself as a regular drinker. Having a glass or two of wine a few nights a week was not uncommon for me. What had become clear: It was definitely something I spent more money and energy on than other things that I said were important to me. I just got to the point where I didn’t want it to be a main pillar in my life anymore.
I am able to act on my ideas way easier. My mind is sharper, and I naturally have more energy. I’m no longer second-guessing myself because of looming anxiety so I’m taking steps towards ideas in my business that I’ve been thinking about for years now.
I am able to express myself more freely. Accessing my authentic voice and not giving a sh*t what people think of me is becoming easier as I get more and more comfortable not drinking. I think it also has something to do with going against cultural norms…
I finally feel like the business and life I want to create is truly possible. I am showing myself day after day that I am willing to make choices that actually add to my life. This is making my self trust and self belief stronger every.damn.day.
I am still figuring out what my relationship with alcohol is going to be moving forward, but one thing I know for certain is I can’t go back to the life I was previously living. It would feel like too much of a step backward. One thing I have shared with several people is that I was so sick and tired of alcohol eroding away at my confidence when I work SO hard to build myself up. It was starting to feel like this definition of insanity: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I knew alcohol was detracting from my life, but I kept trying different workarounds to see if I could be someone that it didn’t affect so much. But the truth is, I’m just not that person. Not at this point in life, anyhow. And creating the life I actually want to live is stronger than my desire to be someone who can drink alcohol.
It feels so obvious and almost silly when I write it out so clearly. I’m sharing because if you also have this inclination about your relationship with alcohol, I want to encourage you to explore just how good you can feel without it. One thing I know for sure is, you definitely deserve to feel as good as you can — and you most certainly deserve the life and business you desire!
